Someone was told me that we can’t control everything in life, therefore some things are inevitable, i.e they can only be managed but unavoidable.
As you enter into this world so naive only to realize that there’s someone called grief. She is like a green snake under the green grass whose bite poisoned your ignorance and left you to wail in a fog of sadness.
You look into the mirror and see a new countenance that was decorated by her dirt as no human can hang this terror to death that smiles at your pain and drains your precious moment.
You look upon the heavens for hope only to see a bloody sun brighten the day with its anguish and the flute from a gloomy heart sings dirge for a loss.
Grief is like a candle flame that lost its direction and gave way to the scary darkness. She carries away all our bright memories, pride, or aspirations back to the dust and leaves us in the dark, helpless, worried, and lonely. She loves to deprive man of his rights and victimize him in the harshest way possible.
Grief is the arrogant thief that feeds on your joy after taking away something treasurable from you with a snap.
So have you ever lost something so precious that you felt the world should just collapse on you and end it all? Have you ever felt like trash, insecure, angry, or guilty because the pain remains unyielding? Do you keep blaming yourself or others for your misfortune or have you considered suicide to be your new buddy?
Well, the bitter truth is, life can never gain balance if good or bad things remain permanent. Just like positive and negative charges needs each other to function, that’s why yin and yang are a couple.
Sometimes we just have to face reality. That’s why we have life and death, tears and laughter, joy and sorrow, rich and poor, weak and strong, rain and sunshine, cold and hot, male and female, heaven and Earth, sickness and health, etc.
Therefore, nothing is bad or good. There’s good in the bad and bad in the good.
Have you noticed that where there is a joyful cry of a baby born elsewhere, there’s a mourn for a baby dead somewhere too? Therefore, when there’s a winner, there’s a loser. Something or someone has to surrender for the other to triumph. It’s the survival of the fittest.
Do you know we kill plants and animals daily for feeding to keep us alive? Do you know how much pain humanity has caused to other species for our growth and development? Live works that way and it’s just your turn to be used too even if it seems so unfair.
So don’t feel left out in this world because everyone is experiencing the bittersweet sides of it daily. You’re not alone. We have seen grief play her role in our lives and that of others in the form of death of a loved one, divorce, sickness, loss of job, financial instability, etc and we wonder how we can manage it.
Before we do that, there are various myths of grief we need to address.
Myth: Ignoring the pain will make it go away quickly.
Fact: Ignoring or preventing your pain from manifesting will only make it worse in the long term. It is vital to face and actively deal with your sadness to truly heal.
Myth: It’s crucial to “be strong” in the face of adversity.
Fact: It’s natural to feel sad, scared, or lonely after a loss. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness. You don’t have to put up a brave face to “defend” your family or friends. Explicitly expressing your actual feelings can benefit both them and you.
Myth: If you don’t cry, it suggests you’re not sorry for what happened.
Fact: Although crying is a common reaction to sadness, it isn’t the only option. Those who do not cry may experience the same level of pain as those who do. They might simply have different ways of expressing it.
Myth: It takes roughly a year to grieve.
Fact: There is no set time in which to grieve. It takes different amounts of time for different people.
Myth: Forgetting about your loss means moving on with your life.
Fact: Moving on means you’ve acknowledged your loss, but that doesn’t imply you’ve forgotten about it. You can go on with your life while keeping the memory of someone or something you’ve lost close to your heart. Indeed, as we progress through life, these memories can become increasingly important in establishing who we are.
Myth: There are only emotional symptoms of grief.
Fact: Physical symptoms of grief includes, fatigue, nausea, weight loss or weight gain, lowered immunity, aches, and pains, insomnia
Various Ways of Managing Grief
Grief isn’t a problem that can’t be solved or treated, so I’ll enumerate various methods to adopt when dealing with grief.
1. Recognize your suffering.
2. Recognize that grief can elicit a wide range of emotions, some of which are sudden.
3. Recognize that your grieving process will be personal.
4. Seek out support from people who care about you in person.
5. Take care of yourself physically to help your emotional well-being.
6. Understand the distinction between grief and depression.
Kinds of Grief
It’s important to recognize the wide varieties of grief that exist outside of the usual signs and emotions listed above to properly manage it.
Anticipated grief develops before rather than after a big loss, as the term implies. You may begin grieving your loss before it has fully unfurled if a loved one is terminally ill, you have an elderly pet, or you know that your retirement or job loss is coming.
Anticipated grief, like traditional grief, can bring up a slew of conflicting feelings, including rage. Some people even associate it with giving up hope and refuse to grieve until their loss has occurred. Anticipated grief, on the other hand, can allow you to prepare for your loss, conclude any unresolved issues, or say your goodbyes, for instance.
When your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly lamented, you may experience disenfranchised grief. Some people may consider the loss of a job, a pet, or a friendship, for example, to be unworthy of mourning. If you’ve had a miscarriage or lost a loved one to suicide, you may feel stigmatized.
The pain of a major loss may never go away entirely, but it should lessen over time. It could be an indication of difficult grieving if it doesn’t, and it prevents you from returning to your regular life and relationships.
Complicated grief is frequently brought on by the death of a loved one, leaving you in a state of bereavement. You may be unable to believe that your loved one is no longer with you, searching for them in familiar places, feeling deep longing, or even believing that life isn’t worth living.
If you’re going through a difficult period of grief and the agony from your loss isn’t going away, it’s essential to get help and take the actions necessary to heal.